Another Word For Happiness or Joy

Today I picked myself up again and I knelt down and took a look at myself.

I took a deep breath and placed my gaze upon the gold fountain of my soul.

The beautiful fountain lit up every time the sun radiated a glimmer of light through the rapidly falling smoke of a swirling torrent of air.

The very place I fell in love the first time I laid eyes on it.

The same fountain that shed away the dripping droplets of sweat that soaked my body as I tried desperately to hold back the dripping of my tears.

The same fountain that I stared upon with an intense lust that couldn’t help but fill my quiver of vivid imaginations.

The same fountain that possessed me for my entire life.

That same fountain that I had been lingering over for years, which was always there waiting for me at the end of every night and other nights and nights.

Whenever and wherever I hid from it, whenever and wherever and however I journeyed, it followed me.

So I looked at the fountain, at its bright blue glow, and at how beautiful the sight felt.

And now, now, I gazed at myself.

Not so long ago I had never felt so fortunate to be where I am today.

I am very blessed to be where I am today.

Being conscious of the peaceful daily bliss of free time and all my time.

But even at this very moment, I am blind to this fact.

Because I will never see it.

No matter how many times I look at myself from the distance.

I will never see it.

Not really.

No matter how many times I listen to it.

Because I will never see it.

Not really.

For me, my own soul is blind.

But today my heart is a glorified microscope, and I see it.

We all have blind souls and we all have all been blind.

What this means is that our mind is our first sight.

And we have all looked at the same mirror more times than we are ready to admit, and in the process in truth showing many of us ourselves, and in the process in truth that has also brought about confusion.

When we look at ourselves the way we look at the mirror, the blind part is where the undeterred plink, derrick, or shadow that tears through our memory is.

But when we look at ourselves like many others do, where the black part of our souls is where our true nature resides, the reality of our true nature will be kept away.

I don’t mean that as an apology.

Not at all.

I just mean it in a manner that teaches as much as it disarms.

I taught as much as I disarmed.

That is all.

It was my way of comforting myself and that is all.

I decided to step away from this illusion today.

To learn to see what is there in front of me, rather than looking for another mirror to continue feeding my selfish self.

I am still blessed to be where I am today.

And I still love being here.

But what I must stop doing and do is simply recognize that the endless night of my soul is patiently waiting for me to return to it.

Until that time comes, I will have this moment.

And for a while, I can take the candles of Ilico or Ollo till he melts back into his chocolate shell.

This is where I am sitting in me.

And I promise you that I will not give it up.

Because there is always more light to fall on it.

And I promise you that I will not stop loving it.

And I will be even more contented once I do what I took away today.

So Thank you.

I hope you have enjoyed this day-long journey of self-reflection.

Thanks to Ru.

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